When in Doubt, Give Yourself a Time Out

When in Doubt, Give Yourself a Time Out

Even taking a 3-minute break from the current situation

could help you gain a different perspective.

Breathe. Write. Walk. Draw.

Jump up and down.

Close your eyes.

Splash water on your face.

Return to the situation with a different kind of energy, emotion and perspective.

Only The Shadow Knows

Only The Shadow Knows

(See Debbie Ford’s The Dark Side of the Light Chasers)

   Often the difficulties we’re facing represent a part of ourselves that we haven’t learned to deal with – our shadow self. Jung offered the term "shadow" to describe the parts of our personality that we have rejected – often out of fear, ignorance, shame, or lack of love.

    According to Debbie Ford: “Our shadows exist to teach us, guide us, and give us the blessing of our entire selves. They are resources for us to expose and explore. The feelings that we have suppressed are desperate to be integrated into ourselves. They are only harmful when they are repressed: then they can pop up at the least opportune times.”

     You will transform your life when you learn to recognize and make peace with your shadow. Your shadow is your teacher, holding the clues to where to focus on making changes. The simplest change being that you learn to love ALL parts of yourself, not just the “good” ones.

What shadow side of yourself is being offered to you to heal

through this current situation?

This is my cat, Shadow. (Sorry, I couldn't resist...)

Will the Real ME Please Stand Up?

Will the Real ME Please Stand Up?

(Adapted from When Work Isn’t Working by Amy Frost)

Who IS the real me?

Take 3-5 minutes and complete the sentences:

I am…

I am…

I am…

Keep your pen moving continuously until the time is over.

What did you discover?

How will the real you deal with what is happening now?

Find The Humor

Find The Humor

Humor can lighten the way you’re managing the events of your life.

It allows you to free yourself to see alternative solutions.

If you can’t easily find the humor in your current situation:

1.      Call a friend who makes you laugh. Or

2.      Watch a funny movie. Or

3.      Imagine the events as a cartoon. What would the captions be?

 Now, revisit the situation with a new attitude

and notice how you’re responding differently.

Return to Your Own “Big Picture”

Return to Your Own “Big Picture”

Returning to your personal vision, mission or life purpose
can bring clarity of thought to most situations. 

These bring a “big picture” perspective that is sometimes helpful

when we’re facing challenges.

Vision: What qualities or attributes do you have that are immediately recognized by others? Who are you here to BE as your highest and best self?

Mission: What are you here to DO? What are you here in this life to accomplish?

Purpose: Why are you here? Why are you here? Why are you here?
(If you don’t already have a vision, mission or purpose statement for yourself, spend some time in quiet meditation posing the questions to yourself and jotting notes about the answers that come to you.)

With your vision, mission or purpose statement as a reference point,

what steps will you take now?

Just the Next Step

Take Just the Next Step

Sometimes life gives us overwhelming tasks. It's overwhelming for many reasons, but often it's because we -- on some level -- see the WHOLE picture and have a hard time breaking it down into smaller parts. 

For this tool, take a minute to center yourself and know that you only need to take the next step. It may not even be the "right" step or even the perfect one, but the movement and commitment to DOING something will carry you forward.

As you pause, allow yourself to think of what your next step might be. One thing WILL lead to another, then another. Pretty soon, you'll be out of where you are NOW and into where you're lead or intended to be.

Just take the next step and notice how this affects you.

Increase your PQ

Increase your PQ*

With thanks to Rick Hanson, Ph.D., for his work Hardwiring Happiness

See http://www.rickhanson.net/books/hardwiring-happiness 

What's a PQ? It's your *Positivity Quotient. This isn't like the positive psychology movement AT ALL. Your PQ is a resource to be used when times are tough, when you're struggling and wanting to shift your emotional state from fear, frustration or heartache to happiness.

Happiness isn't intended to be a means to an end, as so many these days believe. Our PQ is a resource to use when we face adversity. 

Our minds tend to "default" to remembering negative events, recalling them more vividly than the positive things in our lives. This is how our brains are wired, it's how we learn and remember what causes us pain so we can keep ourselves safe. The problem is that our worlds now are filled with stress and we have to make a real effort to remember and relish the positive in order to use it as a resource.

The underlying "trick" is that we get more of what we pay attention to. If we pay more attention to the positive events that help us feel happy, we change our state of mind. That doesn't mean we ignore what's actually happened. It starts with first understanding that there are 3 ways to engage the mind:

1. Let it be. Be with the event. Be a witness to the pain and struggle. Everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) experiences suffering or sorrow at some point in their life. Some experience it more than others. To "let it be" is to acknowledge it without trying to change it. 

2. Let it go. Release what's negative deliberately. Once we've allowed ourselves to witness our own pain, the next step is to consciously let it go. It's like pulling weeds: we want to clear space for something better to come in.

3. Let it in. Cultivate the positive. Replace the memory of the "negative" event with positive ones related to your strengths and endurance. This way, positive events become resources to you. In this case, it's like planting flowers where the weeds were. You cleared the space and when you cultivate happiness, you're putting your energy into what you really want in that space.

The steps for cultivating the positive that Dr. Hanson outlines spell HEAL.

So, how do we HEAL from our negative events? 

Have a positive experience. Recall a time when you were happy, satisfied, content or loved.

Enrich the experience. Recall every aspect of the positive experience: how you felt emotionally and in your body, what you saw and heard, as well as any unique aspects of the experience. Really "set" it in your body-mind.

Absorb the experience fully. Savor the positive experience for 10-30 seconds, allowing it to permeate and radiate throughout your mind and body.

(This one is optional, but helpful)
Link the positive experience with a negative one so the positive experience becomes an antidote for the negative. Like the pulling weeds and planting flowers metaphor above, this step encourages you to remember both the negative and positive events around the same time so you're using the memory of the negative event as a reminder to move into the positive. Over time, the mind-body pairs the more positive feelings with the original event and brings itself to a more calm state.

Bottom line: Have happiness and Enjoy it.

Spend more time -- consciously -- remembering and creating happy moments.

Repeat daily. MANY times a day!

Let me know how it goes!

Yours in transformation,
Suzan K. Thompson, Ph.D.